Jeff Johns

Jeff Johns makes Chewbacca look smooth skinned. from the time he entered puberty at the age of 6 and a half, he began spouting hair in parts of the human body where hair should never spout.

the faster he shaved it off, the faster and thicker it grew back. by the age of 8, he was getting through 12 razors and several cans of shave gel a day.

his parents, both completely hairless, apart from the hair on their heads, consulted numerous medical specialists (plus David Attenborough).

they all pronounced that Jeff's adrenal gland which produces testosterone was found to be perfectly normal.

laser treatment was tried with minimal success. and waxing was deemed to be a complete failure when the beauty salon owner died of a heart attack due to the immense physical assertion involved.

now Jeff rather likes his preponderance of hair. even in the coldest of weathers, he remains temperate and as for heating bills, well, forget them.

hardly surprising, Planet of the Apes is his favourite movie and cult brand, Bathing Ape produce all his favourite items of clothing.

Jeff remains unmarried, although if male hairiness really is a sign of virility, he dreads to think how many children he may end up fathering.